Week Sauce: Year End Edition

Welcome to the year-end edition of Week Sauce (yeah, yeah...Year Sauce doesn't have a ring to it, so fuck what you think.)

2013 was not all good. A lot of people/things/events tried to ruin the year for all of us normal folk. This year-end list will expose the 10 most despicable people that tried their best to make a mockery of my intelligence. I decided against assigning each entity a ranking because, let's face it, shit is shit. In my book the number one piece of shit is no worse than the number 10.

Before we get started, I know some of you will call me a "hater" or question my sense of humor, and to that I say you can get the dilz. 

Let's get started, shall we.

• Justin Bieber - I know, I know. "He's just a kid!" they say. I've never seen a kid more in need of an ass-whooping than this guy. If there is one person that needed an asshole older brother growing up, it's the Biebs. I'm not mad at him for his antics, I'm upset at his lack of slickness about it. I'm sure Justin Timberlake and Leonardo DiCaprio had their fair share of South American prostitutes at his age, but they were smart enough not to flaunt it. Its obvious Bieber needs to upgrade his PR team. 

• George Zimmerman - Yet another guy that doesn't know the meaning of "lay low." Forget about all the racial undertones, this guy beat a murder rap, and doesn't know how to keep his dumb ass in the house. Since being found not guilty for MURDERING (yeah I said it) Trayvon Martin, he has had multiple run-ins with the law, most involving guns. This guy IS the argument for more gun control. Only in Florida.

• Richie Incognito/Jonathan Martin - I really don't know who is more pathetic in this sad sequence of events. The meathead who thought it was cool to spew racial epithets and act "black", or the 6'5", 320 pound professional football player/grown-ass man who claimed he was "bullied"? I was bullied once. I was 6 years old and I told my mom about it. You know what she did about it? She slapped the piss out me, and said "do that to your bully." It worked. (Sidebar: this blog does not promote the abuse of 6 year olds or the loss of urine from a blow to the face.)

• Anyone Who Did The Harlem Shake - There was nothing even remotely Harlem about any of those shakes. Why people, why?!

• Any No-Name Rapper That Responded to Kendrick Lamar's "Control" Verse - Papoose, Fred The Godson, Astro...any of these names ring a bell? Didn't think so. When Kendrick Lamar dropped what could be considered the verse of the year on Big Sean's Control this summer (by the way, the more times you type control, the more it looks misspelled...any who), he called out some A-list rappers, but only a bunch of Z-listers responded. Nice try, fellas, you still don't have a buzz. Rihanna wouldn't even think about sleeping with any of you wack rappers. She'd probably still blow you, but intercourse is definitely out of the question.

• David Wilson - This little fragile, back-flipping sommabish single-handedly doomed not one, not two, but all fucking four of my fantasy football teams to fail. Fifth round steal my ass. Never again.

• Miley Cyrus - I'm sick of people crediting Hannah Montana with inventing twerking. Its been around for years. If white people ever watched BET, they would have witnessed twerking as early 1998. I don't blame you my Caucasian friends, I don't watch BET either, too minstrel show-ish for me nowadays. The real victims here are the Ying Yang Twins. Did America really forget about their year 2000 classic Whistle While You Twurk? A damn shame.

• The Fox - Fuck what you say, Fox. Next.

• Chicago Sports Fans - This might be the most bi-polar group of people on the planet. Chicago sports fans have no patience, and really no sense of humanity. I, myself, am a fan of Chicago sports, but I will separate myself from the masses. This year, I've heard these people claim that the Bulls didn't need Derrick Rose and should keep Nate Robinson in his place (really?). They've said that Josh McCown is better than Jay Cutler because Cutler was hurt (c'mon, he was hurt, people!). Oh, and the best one yet, Theo Epstein would make the Cubs winners (that one deserves medical attention). The city's ballparks and stadiums need to selling over the counter Prozac. Get it together, Chicagoans.

• Kanye West - This mf-er thinks he's a genius for real, huh? What happened, man? I'm not feeling this self-contradicting Kanye. I'll tell you one thing, if I pay $100 to sit on the third level at one his concerts and he goes on a 20 minute rant about how the executives at Dannon yogurt are racists, instead of bringing out Twista to do Slow Jamz, I might have to Odell his ass. You better grab your backpack and throw on some old Polo gear, because your Day 1 fans are growing impatient.

'Till next time my friends. You're welcome.