Nirvana's In Utero, 20 years later.

Nirvana was my favorite band growing up.  It was my "gateway drug" into music. I was (am) a late bloomer, and I remember one day, playing GI Joes on my driveway with my friend Todd, and a kid came down with a cassette single for Smells like Teen Spirit he was looking to get rid of.  After a few minutes of negotiations, I decided that the Single was worth about 2 GI Joes, and a trade was made.  It ruined me forever.

I had never really been in to music at that point.  I just didn't care.  I liked Wayne's World and owned the soundtrack, and I think I had some Guns N' Roses, Metallica, and Fire House.  Let's face it, I was super fucking cool.  But after hearing that two song sampling from Nirvana, which was Smells Like Teen Spirit along with Even in His Youth, all I wanted was more.  My friends and I would end up spending the rest of our 8th grade summer wasting money on music.  I was signed up for BMG like 4 times (look it up kids). Did I not mention that I was playing GI Joes in plain view of the public, going into the 9th grade?  Super fucking cool.

When In Utero came out in 1993, I wasn't too into it.  It seemed a little fragmented, and there were a few songs I just didn't like.  Overall, I was still happy that Nirvana had come out with a record, and that I could move on to my favorite part about that band, tracking down all of the B-sides.  See kids, before the Internet, if you wanted to hear some unreleased crazy recording, you had to drive your ass (or have your Mom or Dad do it) all over the place to hunt for "CD singles," and pay anywhere from ten to thirty bucks for 3-4 songs.  It was exhausting, but once you got your hands on that rare track, you just felt like you ruled the world. SFC.

Then the dark times came.  Cobain's suicide made me sad in ways I've never known, even to this day.  That was mind-boggling to me.  I didn't know him, but his music had changed me in ways I just didn't understand at that point.  My Mom knew.  She was waiting for me in the front yard when I got home from school that day, understanding that I would be devastated.  It took some time, but my life went on from there, without "new" Nirvana.

20 years later, I am cruising through Target, and I see In Utero in the full re-release treatment.  My teenage Nirvana hunter came to life.  Tracks remastered, all the B-sides packed on on disc, and it was ten bucks. I needed to buy it.  

I ran to my car, with kids in tow, and put the disc in.  The instant Serve the Servants started up, I got goosebumps.  It had transported me back to that care-free time of hunting for music, hanging out in my garage, and talking with my friends.  Super fucking cool.  I listened to the entire thing, with all the B-sides, and even the original mixes for Heart-Shaped Box, Pennyroyal Tea, and All Apologies.  When it was over, I got really depressed.  That was it.  The last studio record from Nirvana was 20 fucking years old, and I just wanted more.  It was tough.  I mean, maybe that rush of "finding new Nirvana" was wearing off, or maybe I was just sad to remember how much I loved those guitar riffs.  The thing is, I really liked the record. More than I remembered.  I listened to it again, (I'm masochistic, I know) but I was getting something completely different from it than when I was a kid.  For the first time I could remember, I was eagerly listening to Milk It, which is probably one of my least favorite Nirvana songs.  This was a new awakening. After a few hours, the depression faded away, and I was still rocking out to In Utero.

Here is the track listing for the "Target exclusive" remastered edition:

1. Serve the Servants
2. Scentless Apprentice
3. Heart-Shaped Box
4. Rape Me
5. Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle
6. Dumb
7. Very Ape
8. Milk It
9. Pennyroyal Tea
10. Radio Friendly Unit Shifter
11. tourette's
12. All Apologies
13. Gallons of Rubbing Alcohol Flow Through the Strip (Non US hidden track)
14. Marigold (Heart-Shaped Box B-side, and Dave Grohl on vocals)
15. Moist Vagina (2013 mix, from the All Apologies B-side)
16. Sappy (2013 mix, originally a hidden track on the No Alternative compilation, listed later as Verse Chorus Verse)
17. I Hate Myself and Want to Die (2013 mix, from The Beavis and Butt-Head Experience)
18. Pennyroyal Tea (Scott Litt mix)
19. Heart-Shaped Box (Original 1993 Albini mix)
20. All Apologies (Original 1993 Albini mix)

Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle is still my favorite album track, and Sappy is still my favorite B-side, but I am enjoying listening to this record more than I ever have, and loving every second of it, even Pennyroyal Tea (twice).