Just Sayin':10 Eating Out Commandments

Three weeks in to my (so far) triumphant full time return to the restaurant game, and from what I see nothing much has changed from the guest side of things.  If it weren't for dealing with incompetent management, lazy-ass co-workers, and dumb guests on a daily basis, this job would be cake.

Since I already hit you all with some of my pet peeves concerning restaurant managers, this edition I decided to make a top ten list of "don'ts" for being guests at a restaurant, we'll get to the lazy-ass co-workers at a later date.  For some reason, people go out to eat and forget all basic etiquette and house training.  You throw video games in the mix, and it becomes a complete system overload for some people.

Don't get me wrong, not all guests are dickheads, but it is the dickheads that make the lasting impressions.  For the readers that have never worked in "the industry", please take heed of what I say.  These 10 situations are the most annoying things for any server to experience.  I numbered them, but they are all number one.  Well, number one is actually number one, so I guess the other nine are all number two.  

I've also included Biggie's Ten Crack Commandments instrumental to play as you read. Consider it a mood setter.  Let us begin, shall we.

Just Sayin' - Vol. 1

To quote the great Peter Griffin, you know what really grinds my gears?  It's when people go out their way to tell me who I look like.  Is it really necessary to stop frying fries to tell me I look like an out of work comic from the late eighties/early nineties, whose popularity coincided with the rise and fall of Zubaz pants?  I myself have probably been guilty of this crime (for those that know what I'm talking about, that dude really did have Ric Flair hair...Woooo!), but at least I have to common courtesy to keep my thoughts to myself, or say them behind your back like normal people.

The best part is that people act like they are the first ones to arrive at that conclusion and its outcome should change your life.  "Hey buddy, has anybody ever told you look like such and such?"  Why no, sir, it seems that your levels of perception are higher than those of the common man, and you have now provided me with a new outlook on life, and that outlook is suicide...not for me, for yourself, Captain Obvious.  Unless your comparative statement is followed by "...and let me buy your dinner" or "I got your next drink," keep that shit to yourself.

I mean, what did you hope to accomplish (besides a rant on a blog that nobody reads)?  If I say yes I did know, or no I didn't, where does the conversation go after that?  Nowhere.

I should start doing the same thing, maybe I should also make it my goal to announce to the world that I too have mastered the basic cerebral skills of cognition and comparison.  Like, "excuse me, you bare a striking resemblance to Sir Francis Drake, the storied English sea captain," or "has anybody ever told you you look like trailblazing anthropologist Ruth Fulton Benedict?"  Make you aware of my observation and just walk away.  That would be weird and I would hate myself for doing that.

Alright, I got that out of my system, so enjoy this Family Guy clip.  You're welcome.