This week's edition is, well, weak sauce for lack of a better description (there are a ton of better descriptions, but I love puns). I worked a ton of doubles this week, so f*ck off, I'm tired. Well, don't f*ck off, read the post first, then you can politely f*ck off.
Here's a taste of what caught my eye while being forever at work this week.
Well ladies and gents, due to the events of two weeks ago, I am officially back in the restaurant game. Yay me! (depression font). Anyone who has worked in "the industry" already knows that there are 34,499,498,090 things that are potential gear grinders, thus, providing me with endless material for this segment.
The number one annoying aspect of working in a restaurant is lazy/clueless/illogical management. This profession can be extremely stressful and fast paced at times, but on the same note, it is not exactly rocket science. There are really a handful of objectives for a restaurant manager, the big ones being keep the guests happy, the staff motivated, and run a smooth shift.
Sounds easy enough, right? In my career in the service industry, it seems that for some "managers," those basic objectives are difficult to accomplish. It also seems that the further removed I get from my first job in the hospitality industry, the more the quality of the run of the mill manager decreases.
To help correct this epidemic, I have decided to compose a list of basic steps a numb-skull, ineffective manager could utilize to not suck so much in...well...life. Let us begin.
Ummm, this kind of shits all over Olympus Has Fallen. Not that I don't want to see Olympus Has Fallen, but this trailer looks sick. I mean there doesn't seem to be much of a difference between the two plots, but White House Down looks like Olympus on steroids and meth...crazy! Plus, going from Gerard Butler and Morgan Freeman to Magic Mike and Django is a definite upgrade. Don't take my word, check it out for yourself. You're welcome.
Pretty lackluster if you ask me. A bunch of musicians who got huge from YouTube...yawn. From what I'm seeing, I would probably only care about seeing Kendrick Lamar. Check out the line-up to see if one of your favorites is coming to the over-commercialized, over-priced, and over-populated Chicago-based music festival. You're welcome.
Uh oh, JT's not the only cool white boy that can get a veteran rapper and a platinum producer to hop on a track. Mr. Thicke a.k.a. Mike Seaver (I wonder if that will catch on) drops a hot one that has the interweb buzzing. I'm digging this one. It has a nice little summer time vibe to it. Shit, its been so cold so far this "spring," everything sounds like it has a summer time vibe to me. Blurred Lines will be officially released on iTunes this Tuesday. You're welcome.
Trying to get it in early, since I've been late the last couple of weeks. I'm not gonna lie, bigger things could have happened this week and I might have missed them. I don't care, its March Madness, snitches! This tournament is the only important thing going on this week, ask Obama. He dropped everything to fill out a bracket. That man loves his TV time.
Here's what stood out, let me know what slipped through the cracks.
Okay, I admit it, I miss a few things here and there. Are you happy? Do you know how hard it is to post consistently on a blog and still be a husband, father, and stay employed? Well at least the first two parts.
A lot of good music came out last month that I didn't get a chance to post about because, well, even better music came out. These songs are proof that there is still thought being put into music, and I still thought they deserved some attention, so here are my top ten misses from February. You're welcome.
This tour kicks off on May 23rd in Tucson, AZ (Chuck and the crew better break into By The Time I Get to Arizona!). Nice way to start the summer, but sadly the Windy City does not have a tour date. Stuff like this never hits Chicago for some reason. Like we're not the 3rd largest metropolitan area in the country. I guess if you want to see legendary acts like LL Cool J, Public Enemy, Ice Cube, and De La Soul, you'll have to go somewhere else, like Simpsonville, South Carolina. Simpsonville, South Carolina? Really? Rahm is messin' up!
F*ck Christmas! This is the most wonderful time of the year. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Where legends are made and stars are born. Who will be this year's Steph Curry, VCU, or Adam Morrison (I thought that mf'er would never stop crying)?
Most importantly, we all get to fill out brackets. For the next 2 weeks you get to hear that guy that sits next to you at work brag about what a genius he is for picking that 13 seed to upset the 4 seed in the first round (even though we all know he just picked his favorite animal to win).
Finally, your blog is nobody till it has its own bracket, so let me introduce to you the first annual Conscious Residue bracket. Its free to join, only bragging rights are on the line. I'm just interested to see which of my 5 readers know what's up with NCAA basketball. If you want to join, click the link below. You're welcome.
As promised earlier, the G.O.A.T. and the Phenom together on the same track. The single's cover artwork is fitting, should have really been Kobe sharing knowledge with LeBron, but we all know Kobe ain't sharing shit! I already liked the original version, Hov on the track is just the hot fudge on the sundae. This song already has a little Aquemini vibe to it, would have Andre 3000's perspective added to the song, but as I am constantly reminded on a daily basis, I can't always have my way. This song will have a permanent spot on my car's playlist. You're welcome.
Late again, I know, shut up. I'm here now, and that's all that matters. Here are your most relevant newsworthy stories of last week...according to me. Go ahead and dig in.
You didn't think I forgot about you on St. Patty's Day did you? Of course not. In celebration of Irish Drunk Day, here is Clinton Spark's instrumental homage to green beer, leprechauns, and clovers. Hopefully Irish club-goers got a taste of this one tonight. Clinton was even able to sample the Dropkick Murphys bar room brawling anthem I'm Shipping Up to Boston, a very nice touch. If you're not drunk or passed out, give it a listen. You're welcome.
Why is it acceptable to walk up to somebody and tell them that they are tall? Like I didn't notice that shit. Like for all these years I was buying the wrong length pants and because of your keen observation my life is forever changed. Get the f*ck outta here (Eddie Murphy's Italian voice).
My personal favorite is "let me stand next to you to see how tall you are." Are you blind mf'er?! Like until we stand back to back I will not actually be taller than you, and everything is an optical illusion. If you just want to feel a grown man's ass on the small of your back, just say that, don't use my tallness as an excuse.
The kicker is the assumption that because I'm tall and black, I must have played basketball at some point in my life. "You play ball?" Bitch I'm 33 years old! Kobe is 33 and talking about retiring soon. "You could play for the Bulls." Could I? You mean that's all it takes to be a professional basketball player, height and skin color? Shit, well let me stop slangin' Pell grant and Power Cards, and get my ass to the courts before its too late.
Just stop it! Here's a visual to explain further how I feel. Just a random YouTube clip, so excuse the the Apostles of Comedy tagline at the beginning of the clip. Not trying to religify my blog. Enjoy.
With all the well publicized gun violence taking place in Chicago during the still very young 2013, the story of 6 month old Jonylah Watkins has gone without its due attention. Maybe the Windy City gun play is old news in the national eye, or maybe its because she didn't have to privilege of singing for the president...who knows. Lupe Fiasco decided he could stay silent no longer and formulate a tribute to the infant who was shot 5 times while her father changed her diaper. You're wel...nope, thank you, Lupe.
I don't know if this is legit, but Virgin Atlantic Airlines recently joined Instagram and they (or someone claiming to be them) are saying the first 20,000 followers who post the pic pictured on this post and tag them in it, get free airline tickets. They are only at like 3000 followers right now. So if this is legit, to 7 people who read my blog, you're welcome.
With this post, I should hit 1000 readers, and it only took me 2 years. I guess that's what I get for entrusting the world of Facebook to actually read something outside of a meme. Pathetic, but I'm pretty sure this is how Hemingway started (Wikipedia that shit if you don't believe me). To celebrate the milestone, I got some new music from G.O.O.D. Music signee, Hudson Mohawke. He released this jammy-jam today on BBC Radio today. This kid has a future. His instrumentals are cold as ice, and I can't wait to see which emcees requisition his talent. The next G.O.O.D. album coming out is Big Sean's Hall of Fame, and hopefully Mr. Mohawke is all over that. Until then, enjoy some Sweet Silverskin. You're welcome...and if I hit 1000, thank you.
If you love basketball, and you love basketball, then by default (and good taste) you'll love Hoop Dream Ink. These are some of the dopest original sports prints I have ever seen. They make me want to buy a sports bar just so I can buy all of them and have a place to show them off...but I am broke, so I digress.
Hoop Dream Ink reps all eras of the NBA, and even reintroduces us to some forgotten/unsung ballers (don't nobody know nothin' bout some Run TMC!!!). What makes this company even cooler is that they don't just stop at wall art, you can get any design on a hoodie, t-shirt, iPhone case, or even a throw pillow (no typo, I said throw pillow...peep the site).
DVR'd Celebrity Apprentice + a bottle of Merlot = a relaxing end to a Monday night. I figured since I'll be in chill mode for the rest of the night, I'll hit you all off with some soothing sounds to end your Monday. Here is a Frank Ocean track that was left off his Grammy Award winning Channel Orange album. Easy listening, and a lot less awkward than his Grammy performance of Forrest Gump. Good night ya'll. You're welcome.
With only 8 days left until the release of one of the most highly anticipated albums of the year, JT hits us with an audio stream of The 20/20 Experience. The stream is hosted by iTunes, and so far we seem to be free of a rant via Kanye. You're welcome.
A little late this week, was busy making donuts yesterday. No, not actual donuts, I was making that guap. It was a slow week, or maybe I was just too busy to pay attention. Whatever it may be, here's what I got.
What the fuck happened to Lupe Fiasco? I miss kick push Lupe. I think he has forgotten how to have fun with music, and this song is a perfect example of that. This song wouldn't be that bad to me if it weren't an everyday thing with Lupe. Not every song needs an underlying political agenda. I feel like I need to write him a letter, so here it goes:
Dear Lupe, Your music will not save the world, but don't feel bad, neither did Public Enemy's, KRS-One's, Bob Dylan's, or John Lennon's. So don't feel bad, because those are all still cool artists. Please continue where you left off with The Cool. Sincerly, Conscious Residue P.S. - Stop it!!!
I just realized that I don't share enough of me on this blog. I can thank a couple of pitchers of Miller Lite for this epiphany, so I'm going to share my up to the minute thoughts about myself right now.
Let's see, I'm 33 years old, and I'm a husband, a father and a homeowner. I have a college degree, a full time job with benefits, and I have never been more scared or had a bigger of feeling of insecurity in my life than I do now. Why? I don't know. I think I feel like I'm a crossroads in my life. I work at a job I don't really like and I hate waking up for, and when I'm there I feel like sabotaging myself to get fired.
I feel like my only choices are to continue on in my current path and and hate a minimum of 40 hours a week of my life just to stay afloat, or to stop and take a major risk and fail and lose everything...the only thing is, I don't know what that risk is.
I guess everyone feels like there is a path that they should be on, and I believe that for myself, the only problem is I'm having difficulties finding the starting point of that path. I wish I was the type of person that can be optimistic about about a risk, but seeing how almost everything I touch turns to shit, its difficult for me not to be a pessimist.
My biggest fear is to allow myself to age and never utilize the tools I have within myself and become resentful of myself.
The washer just finished, got to put my shirt in the dryer and go to sleep so I can do something I hate tomorrow, so I'll stop now.
By the way, D.R. = Drunk Rant, maybe they'll be more, maybe not. Good night, and thank god for spell check.
Happy weekend. To celebrate Saturday, I've got a new hip-hop Voltron group to share with you, Digital Diamonds. This group is comprised of Scoop DeVille, Chuck Inglish, and Jonwayne. Three producers and zero known emcees is normally an odd combo, but judging from this first track, "its working bro!" (Mexican cook voice). Regardless of what they're known for, all 3 take a turn on the mic, and hold their own. Chuck Inglish is one of my favorite beatsmiths right now, so I'm looking forward to when he gets to handle production since this track was cooked up by Scoop. The beat is nice, the rhymes are simple, all I need is some lemonade and some sunshine. You're welcome.
The worst part about having a day job, besides waking up, is missing out on all my ESPN shows. I haven't seen PTI or Around the Horn in ages, and don't let me tell you how long its been since I've woken up to back to back to back to back to back Sports Centers. Tears are literally forming in m eyes as I type this.
Today I would have quit the gig and risked divorce if I would have known in advance what was going to happen on First Take.
First and foremost, I hate First Take, mostly because of the loud and obnoxious duo that host the show, Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless. I'd rather watch soccer or NASCAR, than see these two know-nothings scream and rant for an hour.
Finally, someone put Skip Bayless in his place and took him down a peg or two. Seattle Seahawks' defensive back Richard Sherman laid into Bayless the old country way. It was like Sherman had been holding that in for years and finally got to release it. Like the part in The Color Purple when Celie finally lets Mister have it (anyone...anyone?). Sherman basically told Skip that he sucks at life, in not so many words, well in basically those words. Now if only someone will tell Stephen A. about himself. I guess just watch the clip. You're welcome.
Uh oh. All you so-called "comedy purists" can simmer down, because no matter how much you say this will be the same as the first two movies (and it probably will be), your 10 bucks will be thrown in the hundreds of millions of dollars this movie makes on Memorial Day weekend. It will definitely get my money. Probably not theater money (large crowds of over-excited, movie-quoting Caucasian frat boys frighten me), but rather OnDemand or RedBox money. Check out the trailer. You're welcome.
L.I.A. = Life Imitating Art. Lately it seems like I just can't get right. Luck has not been on my side, and everything I do or encounters seems like a test. If wanted to take more tests, I would have went to grad school. I'm not trippin' though, everything happens for a reason, but so far in 2013, it seems like my life is imitating this TQ cut from back in the day. Speaking of TQ, where's he at? He might owe me money. You're welcome.
Speechless...was this really necessary? There's a download link, if you use it let me know, I'm interested in seeing who I should de-friend. You're welcome (kinda).
Happy Monday people. To celebrate the weird combination of blizzards and March, I thought I'd share this strange collabo featuring Passion Pit and Juicy J. Mr. Bands adds a verse to their Constant Conversations track, and to tell the truth, it fits in fine. The song was already kind of artsy and weird, and I think the Juicy J addition kind of takes the edge off. You get a little bit of everything here at CR (yes, I'm on initials status). You're welcome.
That quote was brought to you by House Speaker John Boehner while addressing future legislation for immigration reform, and number 9 on The Week's Teagan Goddard's list of 10 Dumbest Things Republicans Said Last Month.
This list is hilarious and scary at the same time. Not only was all this fuckery said during the course of the shortest month of the year, but also to think that some of our country's biggest leaders don't think before they speak, much like my grandma. And believe me, I don't want my grandmother running the country, and neither should you.
Click the link above to read some wizardry in idiocy, or just read below. You're welcome.
To quote the great Peter Griffin, you know what really grinds my gears? It's when people go out their way to tell me who I look like. Is it really necessary to stop frying fries to tell me I look like an out of work comic from the late eighties/early nineties, whose popularity coincided with the rise and fall of Zubaz pants? I myself have probably been guilty of this crime (for those that know what I'm talking about, that dude really did have Ric Flair hair...Woooo!), but at least I have to common courtesy to keep my thoughts to myself, or say them behind your back like normal people.
The best part is that people act like they are the first ones to arrive at that conclusion and its outcome should change your life. "Hey buddy, has anybody ever told you look like such and such?" Why no, sir, it seems that your levels of perception are higher than those of the common man, and you have now provided me with a new outlook on life, and that outlook is suicide...not for me, for yourself, Captain Obvious. Unless your comparative statement is followed by "...and let me buy your dinner" or "I got your next drink," keep that shit to yourself.
I mean, what did you hope to accomplish (besides a rant on a blog that nobody reads)? If I say yes I did know, or no I didn't, where does the conversation go after that? Nowhere.
I should start doing the same thing, maybe I should also make it my goal to announce to the world that I too have mastered the basic cerebral skills of cognition and comparison. Like, "excuse me, you bare a striking resemblance to Sir Francis Drake, the storied English sea captain," or "has anybody ever told you you look like trailblazing anthropologist Ruth Fulton Benedict?" Make you aware of my observation and just walk away. That would be weird and I would hate myself for doing that.
Alright, I got that out of my system, so enjoy this Family Guy clip. You're welcome.
Your favorite musician's favorite musician (unless you're into some redneck/death sh*t, at which point you shouldn't be reading this) appeared on Jimmy Fallon's show last night. The man is timeless, and can still do things that no one else can. Kudos to Fallon for getting the legend to appear on his 4th anniversary show. And just so you know...Purple Rain> every motion picture soundtrack EVER. You're welcome.
Alright, enough with emotions, huh. Had to do some push-ups after that last post. I'm going with a little harder tribute for this post. This is DJ Green Lantern's tribute to Jay-Z, a.k.a. S(dot)Carter, a.k.a Hova, a.k.a. Jiggaman. It's also the intro to his upcoming mixtape. It features tidbits of Jay's biggest hits. It goes hard and I love it, and it doesn't feature Suit & Tie, so Kanye probably likes it too...probably, but I'm sure if he doesn't we'll hear about it at his next concert. You're welcome.
It was an honor to have the privilege to call you family over the past 10 years. Your smile and positivity will truly be missed. May you get the rest you deserve. This tribute is minute compared to the warmth you spread while on this Earth, but it is for you. Enjoy, Lesley Goodin.
Cudi is not really my thing, but he seems to be a lot of other people's thing, so I decided to post his new song for those people. Sounds like it should be featured on the trailer of a Ethan Hawke police/crime drama. You're welcome.
