Welcome to Week Sauce. This week's edition was dominated by hilarious word play, childish rants, and nerdy sh*t. You already know what it is, so I'm going to cut the introduction short and get straight to it.
"Danica takes the pole!" - Its funny because "pole" is slang for penis and Danica is a girl, hahaahahhaahaa. How does the expression of a trailblazing accomplishment still somehow set the women's movement back a few years. Somewhere, Go Daddy executives are beating themselves up because they didn't think of that. Spoiler alert: She didn't win.
WWE's Elimination Chamber PPV - Yes, I'm a grown ass man. Yes, I'm a geek sometimes. Yes, I know the sh*t is fake, but the Rock is the man! To dispel the rumors, those were not tears in my eyes after his victory, I accidentally poked myself in the eye...both of them.
Lil' Wayne's Anti-Miami Rant - Right before the all-star break, overrated rapper Lil' Wayne was attending the Heat-Lakers game in Miami when he abruptly left/was asked to leave. Whatever the case may be, he handled it like a scorned groupie trying to make the homepage of Worldstarhiphop.com. While performing in Houston,
Weezy took time out to address the situation and made disparaging remarks about the city of Miami, LeBron James, questioned Dwayne Wade's manhood (called him She-Wade, which was kind of funny...wrong, but funny), and mentioned that he knows Chris Bosh's wife in the biblical sense. Then Gollum Goldberg went on to say he is the "new 2Pac." (Insert record scratch, and cut to cowboys sitting around the fire yelling "New York City!!??!?!) Let's re-evaluate this for a second, Dwayne. Pac got shot 5 times, you got kicked out of basketball game, grow the f*ck up. Real recognize real, and you looking like a stranger.
The Blade Runner Makes Bond - The courts determined that the double amputee runner was not a "flight risk" this past week. Sounds like a rejected SNL skit. I imagined the judge in the bond hearing being like "Yeah, we gonna go ahead and let you go home, but to make sure you don't try anything, you gonna have to come up out them legs, playa." You can't make this sh*t up, people.
Yet Another Kanye West Rant - We all know the Earth can't spin for too long without us getting one of these. I'm a big fan of Ye's music, but his whole shtick is getting old. He's just lit-erally (Chris Traeger voice...Parks and Rec, bitches), screaming for attention. Seemed like he was really reaching on this one. This time it was
during his concert in London. Highlights from this tantrum include his hatred for business people, how he doesn't care about what Obama has to say, Jigga & JT's "Suit & Tie" is garbage to him, and the Grammy's are racist because he never beat a white person for a Grammy. All sound pretty much like digs directed towards Mr. S. Carter. Not trying to stir the pot, that's just my interpretation. All in all, well played Mr. West, you got people to write about you once again.
See you next week, and remember, if there is nonsense, I will try and write about it.
"Danica takes the pole!" - Its funny because "pole" is slang for penis and Danica is a girl, hahaahahhaahaa. How does the expression of a trailblazing accomplishment still somehow set the women's movement back a few years. Somewhere, Go Daddy executives are beating themselves up because they didn't think of that. Spoiler alert: She didn't win.
The Blade Runner Makes Bond - The courts determined that the double amputee runner was not a "flight risk" this past week. Sounds like a rejected SNL skit. I imagined the judge in the bond hearing being like "Yeah, we gonna go ahead and let you go home, but to make sure you don't try anything, you gonna have to come up out them legs, playa." You can't make this sh*t up, people.
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