A.D.D. Report: 2014 NBA Off-Season Recap

The NBA left for the summer and so did I. But I'm back, and the NBA will return soon as well.

#QuickBlurb Sports: Melo Stays Home

Carmelo Anthony, All-NBA small forward, has decided to spurn the advances of the Houston Rockets, the Los Angeles Lakers, and the Chicago Bulls and keep his talents on the floundering New York Knicks. Money Over Everything.

With this decision, Carmelo pretty much has solidified that he will not win a championship in the NBA in the capacity of being a star player. Anthony shared his decision to stay in New York via a written essay released by The Source Magazine. QuickBlurb has obtained an official copy of the release. You're welcome.

"Before anyone ever cared where I would play basketball, I was a kid from New York. It’s where I walked. It’s where I ran. It’s where I cried. It’s where I bled. It holds a special place in my heart…blah, blah, blah. It’s where I could get the most money. Melo likes money. 

Today, I am more paid than I was yesterday and I couldn’t be happier. Yeah, I could have went elsewhere and won more games, but honestly, losing is not that bad. There are so many perks to losing. I don’t have to play D, the coach eventually stops talking, and if we are losing by enough early, I can take the last quarter off. So relaxing. Melo likes to relax. 

Listen, winning championships is cool, I guess, if that’s your thing. I’m a cash guy. Cash Rules Everything Around Me! (Method Man voice). I can’t spend “rings” on Giuseppe shoes and iPhone 8s, that shit costs cold hard cash, son! So what if Patty Mills has a ring, ask Patty Mills if he’s ever been to Jurassic Park. Melo hasn’t because it doesn’t exist, but if it did, best believe that Melo has enough paper to be sitting shotgun next to Jeff Goldblum on the next helicopter to the island to go raptor hunting. Raptor meat is delicious, but your broke asses don’t know nothin’ about that. Melo likes to eat exotic species. 

The best part about re-signing with New York is now that Phil Jackson is there, the pressure is all on him. I can lose as much as I want now, and all the media will say is “The Zen Master built a bad team.” It’s his legacy on the line, not mine. Melo likes misdirected aggression. 

I already have every excuse in the book lined up for why we will lose 50 games next season. We have a head coach that just finished playing a month ago, we traded our best defensive player away for peanuts, and we a team full of guards. Not Melo’s fault. I’ll still get mine. I can see the headline now: “Melo Breaks Single Season Scoring Record as Knicks Reach an All-Time Low For Futility.” Melo likes buckets. 

I would end by telling you all how I plan to elevate the games of my teammates, but I honestly, I don’t even know who my teammates are. I might not even learn their names this season, it’s not like I will need call out their name to dish out an assist. Melo don’t pass. 

To the Chicago, Los Angeles, and Houston organizations, thank you for the free dinners and all the attention. You weren’t really dumb enough to think I was gonna take less money just for an opportunity to win a championship? C’mon, bwahahahaha! Hashtag gullible. 

I’m coming home…with a brand-spanking new, muthaphuckin’, shiny, candy painted Bugatti, bitches! Lala, put that chicken back in the freezer, Melo’s taking you out tonight!"

A.D.D. Report: The Return!

It's been a long time, I shouldn't of left you!

A.D.D. Report: Konichiwa, Stern-sie

We are about to witness the departure of NBA commissioner David Stern and I, for one, am glad. All these analysts have been very kind in their words about him, but I will not.

I've seen him introduce different basketballs for really no good reason. I've seen him eliminate the wear or compression tights (and let's be real, it was only because the NBA wasn't making money off of it seeing as they didn't make them). I saw him add an age limit provision to entering the NBA. It stated you couldn't declare for the NBA draft straight out of high school. The timing didn't make sense because it came after Amare Stoudamire and Lebron James won back to back Rookie Of The Year awards, who were both straight out of high school .And at the time, some of their best players were straight out of high school (i.e. Kobe Bryant, Kevin Garnett and Tracy McGrady). He also introduced these non-flattering sleeved jerseys. He also nixed the Chris Paul trade to the Lakers. To add insult to injury, he then approved a Chris Paul trade to the Clippers, with whom the Lakers share the same arena. Stern good riddance, no Green Day.

A.D.D. Report: Bulls, Rhymes, and Life - 2013 Wrap-Up

The old cliche goes the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. The Chicago Bulls are in a state of insanity. I hear constantly from Bulls' fans that Derrick Rose needs help but when they can get him help by losing to be major players in the draft, those fans are against it.

Fans want them to make the playoffs, basically just to say they made it. Making the playoffs then getting bounced out gets you nothing. Where did it get the Bulls last year? It got Chicago all excited because they made it out the first round then won game 1 against the Miami Heat but then got swept after that. If you're a true fan of the Bulls, you should want the Bulls to miss the playoffs to give Derrick Rose a phenom rookie sensation. How do you think we got Derrick Rose in the first place? We missed the playoffs, that's how.

A.D.D. Report: NBA 2013 Tip-Off

Opening night in the NBA has come and gone, and it did not disappoint (well my Bulls did).

Bleacher Report: Horace Grant: "You Can't Compare Anybody to Michael"

Finally, in a world where it has become cool to hate on the greatness that is Michael Jordan, his old teammate has come correct. Maybe it's his way of redeeming himself to Bulls' fans for jumping ship to play with Penny and Shaq in Orlando when MJ retired the first time. Maybe it's an undercover jab at Scottie Pippen for not bowing down and respecting the legacy of the Great Deuce-Trey and saying LeBron could be better. Whatever it is, I like it. Preach, Horace, preach! You're welcome.

Bleacher Report: Horace Grant: "You Can't Compare Anybody to Michael"

Glove Love

Recently Gary Payton did an interview where he said John Stockton was the hardest person he ever had to guard. Those unfamiliar with Gary Payton, he is a NBA Defensive Player Of The Year winner. He has been on multiple NBA All-Defensive teams, and next to Scottie Pippen, he is arguably the best on-ball defender in NBA history.

NBA Randomness

I debuted my first blog here then stepped away to mourn the playoff exit of my Chicago Bulls. Now that I've coped with the devastating loss, I got a lot to vent.  I'm going to try and get this out in one breath, somebody time me.