Week Sauce (3/17 - 3/23)

Trying to get it in early, since I've been late the last couple of weeks.  I'm not gonna lie, bigger things could have happened this week and I might have missed them.  I don't care, its March Madness, snitches!  This tournament is the only important thing going on this week, ask Obama.  He dropped everything to fill out a bracket.  That man loves his TV time.  

Here's what stood out, let me know what slipped through the cracks.


R.I.P. Jason Terry: Yet another death by dunk this week in the NBA.  Brandon Knight was somewhere in the fetal position, crying, and singing "You Are Not Alone" by Michael Jackson when LeBron James took Jason Terry's manhood with a vicious dunk earlier this week.  This one was all on "The Jet", he had no business being in the paint and trying to jump, my man is 63 years old.  Not a good time to be a Jet, just ask the New York Jets.

Tiger Woods & Lindsey Vonn Make Their Relationship Public: See, even millionaire athletes/celebrities know a relationship is not legit until you make it Facebook official.  How cheesy was that announcement? On Facebook looking like a corny ass Christmas sweater picture.  At least it wasn't a Harlem Shake video or a "million likes" photo.

Another Attempted University Massacre: At least this one was thwarted by a quick thinking roommate and a stealth-like response from local authorities.  So, along with Northern Illinois University, Virginia Tech University, and anywhere in the state of Colorado, my daughter is not allowed to attend the University of Central Florida.  Was this another case of not enough hugs or too much coddling?  Either way, we need to stop making excuses for these people.  They are not victims, they are cowards.  Obviously the medicine isn't working.  Please believe that there is no pill that can cure crazy and cowardice.

Too $hort Tries to Run From Police:  ...and he tripped and fell, hahahahahah.  Man, I just kept on hearing Katt Williams yell "pimp down, pimp down!!!" while watching the video (see here).  Too $hort was about to arrested for a DUI when he decided he was better off trying to run away from the law.

Dear Too $hort, 

You are 186 years old, you shouldn't try and run away from anyone.  The only thing your old ass should run is a hot bath for your ancient parts. 

Sincerely, 

A Fan
P.S.- Also, consider yourself lucky. California police have shot black people for less.

Former Nickelodeon/Disney Girls Gone Wild:  Usually it takes a child star a few years to let the crazy out.  This new generation seems to want to raise their freak flags immediately.  This week we saw Miley Cyrus of Hannah Montana fame release a video of her twerking in a full unicorn costume, Vanessa Hudgens from the High School Musical trilogy booty pop for Jay Leno, and Amanda Bynes, who was Nickelodeon's poster child for most of the early 2000s, tweeted that she wants rapper Drake to "murder her vagina".  To quote the 21st century poet Meek Mill, "these hoes out here actin' up!"

That is all, back to the games.  You're welcome.