Week Sauce (3/10 - 3/16)

Late again, I know, shut up.  I'm here now, and that's all that matters.  Here are your most relevant newsworthy stories of last week...according to me.  Go ahead and dig in.

R.I.P. Brandon Knight: DeAndre Jordan played undertaker to the Detroit point guard's reputation with one single monstrous dunk (don't believe me? Wikipedia that shit).  I do give Brandon Knight credit for not being a punk and moving out of the lane and at least attempting to defend the rim against Jordan.  Nonetheless, it was an ugly ending.  The most sympathetic people in the room would have to be Mark Sanchez and Manny Pacquiao.

Boxer Tracks Down Twitter Heckler:  This story has to be every athlete with a Twitter account private fantasy.  Boxer Curtis Woodhouse was harassed so badly on Twitter by the user @jimmyob88 after losing his light heavyweight title, that he showed up on his tormentor's street for a face to face confrontation.  @jimmyob88 never left his house and apologized profusely on Twitter, he did not want none.  This sounds like a real life "When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong" from Chappelle's Show.  Obviously Woodhouse kept it realer.

SXSW 2013: The South By SouthWest festival (SXSW to the cool kids) opened up this week in Austin, Texas.  The origins of this festival had it as a showcase for independent music and movies.  Fast forward to 2013 and you have Usher and Justin Timberlake taking up time on the stage, far from independent artists, but everybody has to shine.  The highlight of the festival was definitely Young Guru unleashing Kendrick Lamar's remix to his hit "Bitch, Don't Kill My Vibe" featuring Jay-Z to the crowd at his DJ set.  This had the inter-web buzzing all week, and finally the MP3 was released today, but we'll get to that later. Oh, and A Tribe Called Quest re-united to close the show...no big deal.

New Pope Selected:  Looks like the Catholics followed the current Republican strategy of finding the Great Latino Hope by electing Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina to lead the Vatican.  Welcome to the game, big homie.

Lil' Wayne Hospitalized:  Multiple seizures has Weezy holed up in the ICU.  Hope he gets better.  I would never wish the worst on anyone, but did we not see this coming? This man glorifies drug use and overall recklessness in everything he does.  Stop treating this man like a martyr already.  Did we we think a steady diet of poppin' Mollies and drinking codeine was the path to health?  You get what you give...garbage in, garbage out.  Smarten up people.  Get well Tunechi.

See you next week.  When you ask?  When I feel like it.  You're welcome.